Anger: Grip~Sort~Relax

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.

Psalm 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret—it only causes harm.

Whether it is that type of intense and immediate shock of anger or the anger that slowly builds like snow piling up for an avalanche, we need to realize that it’s an alarm that something needs to change; then:

1. Recognize this will take concentrated effort to proceed in healthy direction

2. Slow yourself down

3. Honestly talk to God and listen to Him while scrutinizing the situation and evaluating the healthiest way to respond

These things lead toward healthy response.
In one short phrase, name one thing that angered you at some point in the past two weeks. Please, exercise self-control, and do not explain it at all yet. Just write down one short phrase.
If we’re not careful, it is easy to run off on tangents.

Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

James 3:13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

Not only do we talk and listen to God, other people, and ourselves, but we can also allow ourselves to be influenced by spiritual entities “whispering” or “hollering” false and ungodly ideas.

In one sentence or less, what was your first thought about the issue that angered you (please, exercise self-control; at this point don’t tell us anything more than that one sentence)?

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

We each live according to our own perspectives 100% of the time. When we talk we ourselves are among those who hear.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

What/who we pay attention to and what we tell ourselves about it all develops our perspectives. When recognized for what it really is, we can see that anger itself is a good thing—it’s an indicator that something needs to change. What we do about it can be a good thing or harmful.

You gave phrase naming the issue that angered you and gave your very first thought about it. Please repeat that very first thought and then briefly explain how things proceeded.

God tells us to get hold of it and how to sort out our thoughts to gain/maintain healthy perspectives, and to relax.

Psalm 4:4 Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah

A biblical meditation that will help us to grip the situation rather than let it get away from healthy control, to sort through it, and relax is the Shema, which Jesus placed at the crux of our God-given purpose.

Mark 12:29-31

How can you conceive of using the Shema as a meditation to help you get grip, sort through, and relax?

Perspective

From the corner of your eye you see a 13yr old boy crossing to your side of the street, but don't give him much thought. Moments later you hear his voice. "Give me your wallet." And you feel his gun sticking into the small of your back.

Putting all machismo aside, you realize that your life isn't worth your wallet

What do you do?

But, wait, before you do anything... somehow you learn that it isn't a real gun, but a toy.

 

Now what do you want do?

But, wait, before you do anything... somehow you learn that he didn't want to mug you. He didn't even want to make anyone upset. He was forced by his mom's boyfriend, who said he'd beat him if he didn't (and he'd beaten him before).

 

 

 

Now what do you want do?

We may be influenced, coerced, even deceived, yet we each live according to our own perspectives 100% of the time.
Harmonizing your perspective to the truth is the only way to intentionally and consistently make the healthiest possible choices. Remember, for our benefit Jesus tells us:

“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

John 14:6

Fight or Flight

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.

When the anger “alarm system” goes off, the arousal of “fight or flight” is our inborn carnal response. It takes strength and practice to transcend that carnal response. This is not always easy and is often painful.

Hebrews 12:11 Now no chastening^a seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it.

^adiscipline

What unhealthy habits need to be crucified?

How do you go about crucifying those unhealthy habits?

How does your relationship with God factor into this?

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

What practices can you implement to build strength of healthy habits that transcend “fight or flight”?

How does your relationship with God factor into this?

What are your thoughts on the phrase “emotional resilience”?

What are your thoughts on assertiveness?

Healthy discipline is the strength building effort that presses through every pain to gain what you need especially when you don’t feel like it!

Anger Shock!

Anger is aroused by perceived injustice (whether the perception is in fact true or not). Anger itself is not necessarily a bad thing. It is an alarm that something needs to change, and that can in fact be a good thing. However, how we respond to the alarm can be healthy or unhealthy.

The general way in which an individual handles anger is a learned and habitualized pattern. It is a learned behavior, and, as with most behaviors, we learn through observation. Unfortunately for many, those closest to us did not model healthy behavior in relation to handling anger.

The sudden physiological rush initially produced when anger strikes, is very brief. Perpetuating that excited state is largely a choice. Yet, our habituation (knee-jerk-reaction) to the “anger shock” has become so ingrained in us adolescence and adulthood that it seems to us that there is no choice to be made.

Proverbs 29:8 Scoffers set a city aflame, but wise men turn away wrath. 9 If a wise man contends with a fool, whether the fool rages or laughs, there is no peace. 10 The bloodthirsty hate the blameless, but the upright seek his well-being. 11 A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.

What would happen to anything in the path if this were anger being vented:

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.

So, how do we proceed to accomplish the calling of God in Ephesians 4:26&27?

1.      Recognize your habituation to “anger shock.” Is it:

a.       Healthy

b.      Explosive-aggressive

c.       Passive-aggressive

d.      Suppressive—(stuffing)—which becomes personally oppressive

2.      Slow down

3.      Honestly scrutinize and evaluate:

a.       What needs to change?

                                                              i.      Is it a change in the physical environment?

                                                            ii.      Is it your perspective and the attitude it elicits?

                                                          iii.      Is it, in fact, the other person’s false perspective and the attitude it elicits?

                                                          iv.      What other questions may factor into the evaluation of what needs to change?

b.      Can you effectively initiate the change that is necessary?

c.       What is the best way to initiate that change?

Can you briefly explain an actual instance when you used your own process slowing down, making an honest evaluation, and taking healthy action effectively?

James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Unhealthy response to anger uses up strength, but it does not produce health.

Ephesians 4:20 But you have not so learned Christ, 21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus; 22 that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 23 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness

Working with God to “be renewed in the spirit of your mind” takes effort, which also uses strength, yet this use of strength with God is progress in God-given purpose; increasing health and building greater strength.

Navigate

            Our intellect and emotions are like fire; warming and beautiful when kept in healthy control. However, when let loose outside of healthy control, they burn destructively, and no one likes to get burned. Intellect and emotions gone wrong lead to hurt, mistrust, frustration, confusion, depression, rage, or despair and often blocks growth in our God-given purpose.

Ephesians 4:15 but, speaking the truth in love, [we] may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

We navigate life according to our perspectives. In every area and aspect that our perspectives diverge from the truth we need light for healthy change.

Such healthy control is not innate. It must be learned and continually practiced.

Psalm 86:11 Teach me Your way, O LORD; I will walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name. 12 I will praise You O Lord my God, with all my heart, and I will glorify Your name forevermore.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Psalm 119:15 I will meditate on Your precepts, and contemplate Your ways. 16 I will delight myself in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word.

What do you need from the close-knit relationships in your life?

What do you want from the close-knit relationships in your life?

Communicate Effectively

Mark 12:29 ... “The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, the LORD is one. 30 And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. 31 And the second like it is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Our God-given purpose is to grow in healthy loving relationship with Him nurturing a healthy love for ourselves while living it out toward other people. In large part, this consists in growth of the ability to communicate well with God, with other people, and with yourself.

Love has the affect and effect it should when communicated well through both words and actions. Healthy loving efforts devoid of articulate communication can easily be misconstrued. And, kindly affectionate words are meaningless without follow-through of healthy loving efforts.

Healthy communication is a learned skill.

Ephesians 4:15 but, speaking the truth in love, [we] may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

The Love Test

There are needs integral to loving and feeling loved. Therefore, we all have need for:

A sense of belonging—within the comradery there is a role(s) for you to fill

A sense of significance—you matter to us and your contributions are essential

A sense of security—you understand the general dynamics and as specific aspects shift we’ve got your back and you’ve got ours

 

A sense of accomplishment—satisfaction in fulfilling your role(s) well

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how are each of these needs being met in your life currently?