Anger: Grip~Sort~Relax

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.

Psalm 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret—it only causes harm.

Whether it is that type of intense and immediate shock of anger or the anger that slowly builds like snow piling up for an avalanche, we need to realize that it’s an alarm that something needs to change; then:

1. Recognize this will take concentrated effort to proceed in healthy direction

2. Slow yourself down

3. Honestly talk to God and listen to Him while scrutinizing the situation and evaluating the healthiest way to respond

These things lead toward healthy response.
In one short phrase, name one thing that angered you at some point in the past two weeks. Please, exercise self-control, and do not explain it at all yet. Just write down one short phrase.
If we’re not careful, it is easy to run off on tangents.

Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

James 3:13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

Not only do we talk and listen to God, other people, and ourselves, but we can also allow ourselves to be influenced by spiritual entities “whispering” or “hollering” false and ungodly ideas.

In one sentence or less, what was your first thought about the issue that angered you (please, exercise self-control; at this point don’t tell us anything more than that one sentence)?

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

We each live according to our own perspectives 100% of the time. When we talk we ourselves are among those who hear.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

What/who we pay attention to and what we tell ourselves about it all develops our perspectives. When recognized for what it really is, we can see that anger itself is a good thing—it’s an indicator that something needs to change. What we do about it can be a good thing or harmful.

You gave phrase naming the issue that angered you and gave your very first thought about it. Please repeat that very first thought and then briefly explain how things proceeded.

God tells us to get hold of it and how to sort out our thoughts to gain/maintain healthy perspectives, and to relax.

Psalm 4:4 Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah

A biblical meditation that will help us to grip the situation rather than let it get away from healthy control, to sort through it, and relax is the Shema, which Jesus placed at the crux of our God-given purpose.

Mark 12:29-31

How can you conceive of using the Shema as a meditation to help you get grip, sort through, and relax?

Perspective

From the corner of your eye you see a 13yr old boy crossing to your side of the street, but don't give him much thought. Moments later you hear his voice. "Give me your wallet." And you feel his gun sticking into the small of your back.

Putting all machismo aside, you realize that your life isn't worth your wallet

What do you do?

But, wait, before you do anything... somehow you learn that it isn't a real gun, but a toy.

 

Now what do you want do?

But, wait, before you do anything... somehow you learn that he didn't want to mug you. He didn't even want to make anyone upset. He was forced by his mom's boyfriend, who said he'd beat him if he didn't (and he'd beaten him before).

 

 

 

Now what do you want do?

We may be influenced, coerced, even deceived, yet we each live according to our own perspectives 100% of the time.
Harmonizing your perspective to the truth is the only way to intentionally and consistently make the healthiest possible choices. Remember, for our benefit Jesus tells us:

“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

John 14:6

Fight or Flight

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.

When the anger “alarm system” goes off, the arousal of “fight or flight” is our inborn carnal response. It takes strength and practice to transcend that carnal response. This is not always easy and is often painful.

Hebrews 12:11 Now no chastening^a seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it.

^adiscipline

What unhealthy habits need to be crucified?

How do you go about crucifying those unhealthy habits?

How does your relationship with God factor into this?

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

What practices can you implement to build strength of healthy habits that transcend “fight or flight”?

How does your relationship with God factor into this?

What are your thoughts on the phrase “emotional resilience”?

What are your thoughts on assertiveness?

Healthy discipline is the strength building effort that presses through every pain to gain what you need especially when you don’t feel like it!

Anger Shock!

Anger is aroused by perceived injustice (whether the perception is in fact true or not). Anger itself is not necessarily a bad thing. It is an alarm that something needs to change, and that can in fact be a good thing. However, how we respond to the alarm can be healthy or unhealthy.

The general way in which an individual handles anger is a learned and habitualized pattern. It is a learned behavior, and, as with most behaviors, we learn through observation. Unfortunately for many, those closest to us did not model healthy behavior in relation to handling anger.

The sudden physiological rush initially produced when anger strikes, is very brief. Perpetuating that excited state is largely a choice. Yet, our habituation (knee-jerk-reaction) to the “anger shock” has become so ingrained in us adolescence and adulthood that it seems to us that there is no choice to be made.

Proverbs 29:8 Scoffers set a city aflame, but wise men turn away wrath. 9 If a wise man contends with a fool, whether the fool rages or laughs, there is no peace. 10 The bloodthirsty hate the blameless, but the upright seek his well-being. 11 A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.

What would happen to anything in the path if this were anger being vented:

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.

So, how do we proceed to accomplish the calling of God in Ephesians 4:26&27?

1.      Recognize your habituation to “anger shock.” Is it:

a.       Healthy

b.      Explosive-aggressive

c.       Passive-aggressive

d.      Suppressive—(stuffing)—which becomes personally oppressive

2.      Slow down

3.      Honestly scrutinize and evaluate:

a.       What needs to change?

                                                              i.      Is it a change in the physical environment?

                                                            ii.      Is it your perspective and the attitude it elicits?

                                                          iii.      Is it, in fact, the other person’s false perspective and the attitude it elicits?

                                                          iv.      What other questions may factor into the evaluation of what needs to change?

b.      Can you effectively initiate the change that is necessary?

c.       What is the best way to initiate that change?

Can you briefly explain an actual instance when you used your own process slowing down, making an honest evaluation, and taking healthy action effectively?

James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Unhealthy response to anger uses up strength, but it does not produce health.

Ephesians 4:20 But you have not so learned Christ, 21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus; 22 that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 23 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness

Working with God to “be renewed in the spirit of your mind” takes effort, which also uses strength, yet this use of strength with God is progress in God-given purpose; increasing health and building greater strength.

Navigate

            Our intellect and emotions are like fire; warming and beautiful when kept in healthy control. However, when let loose outside of healthy control, they burn destructively, and no one likes to get burned. Intellect and emotions gone wrong lead to hurt, mistrust, frustration, confusion, depression, rage, or despair and often blocks growth in our God-given purpose.

Ephesians 4:15 but, speaking the truth in love, [we] may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

We navigate life according to our perspectives. In every area and aspect that our perspectives diverge from the truth we need light for healthy change.

Such healthy control is not innate. It must be learned and continually practiced.

Psalm 86:11 Teach me Your way, O LORD; I will walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name. 12 I will praise You O Lord my God, with all my heart, and I will glorify Your name forevermore.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Psalm 119:15 I will meditate on Your precepts, and contemplate Your ways. 16 I will delight myself in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word.

What do you need from the close-knit relationships in your life?

What do you want from the close-knit relationships in your life?

Communicate Effectively

Mark 12:29 ... “The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, the LORD is one. 30 And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. 31 And the second like it is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Our God-given purpose is to grow in healthy loving relationship with Him nurturing a healthy love for ourselves while living it out toward other people. In large part, this consists in growth of the ability to communicate well with God, with other people, and with yourself.

Love has the affect and effect it should when communicated well through both words and actions. Healthy loving efforts devoid of articulate communication can easily be misconstrued. And, kindly affectionate words are meaningless without follow-through of healthy loving efforts.

Healthy communication is a learned skill.

Ephesians 4:15 but, speaking the truth in love, [we] may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

The Love Test

There are needs integral to loving and feeling loved. Therefore, we all have need for:

A sense of belonging—within the comradery there is a role(s) for you to fill

A sense of significance—you matter to us and your contributions are essential

A sense of security—you understand the general dynamics and as specific aspects shift we’ve got your back and you’ve got ours

 

A sense of accomplishment—satisfaction in fulfilling your role(s) well

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how are each of these needs being met in your life currently?

Transitions to Healthy Change

Avoidance~ At this point a person may have some hints, even strong notions, that there is a pressing issue yet do not feel the need or flatly avoid deeper consideration 

·         Most important issues will not change for the better without purposeful attention

 Contemplation~ Alertness to the issue rises to the point that the person begins evaluating the degree of the issue’s effects 

·         This is the beginning of progress

 

Determination~ degree of effects is determined to warrant change, avenues for such are researched, evaluated, and grown into a plan of action 

·         Approach to the pursuit of healthy change along with date/time to begin are committed to

·         Without determined effort, most important issues will not resolve in the healthiest possible outcome

 Application~ Personal transformation toward healthy change is actually begun as healthy influence begets new healthy choices that are followed through with personal effort

·         During application the person begins modifying perspective, which affects behavior, bringing healthier experiences within healthier spheres of influence

·         We all live according to our own perspectives 100% of the time, even when their faulty

·         Truth is the only good and right perspective corrective

Continuation~ Over the course of time the transformative, persistent practice, and ongoing, honest communication delivers the person in a new living nature amid ever changing circumstances

 

·         New perspectives do not take root over night

·         Without continued attention to growth in healthy living, life deteriorates





Corridor to Freedom



1. Become Whole-istically Mindful of Yourself

·         Human beings are God-designed pneuma-psycho-socio-somatic creatures

o   The spiritual, psychological, social, somatic elements make up the whole person

o   When a person is affected by anything, the whole person is affected in every aspect of the whole being. Therefore, addressing every aspect of the person is necessary to healthy living.

·         Admit that you have (or are headed toward) a problem.

·         If you do not recognize your need and want to change, the problem will deepen.

o   How is ________ affecting your life?

o   What would you like your life to be like?

2. Christ-Centered Soul Care

·         Truth gives the best opportunity to make the healthiest possible choices.

·         CCSC will help you recognize the truth and mold your perspective accordingly.

·         Change can be difficult, complex, and scary.

·         When you realize that you actually need and want to change, it becomes easier to make a commitment to a plan.

·         Decide to Change.

3. Medical Help

·         Your body may have adapted and developed strong tolerance and/or dependence. A thorough physical exam and consultation may be indicated.

·         Sudden abstinence may result in life-threatening symptoms. A doctor should be consulted to determine if medically supervised detoxification (detox) withdrawal symptoms need to be carefully monitored.

4. Realize Pneuma-Psycho-Socio-Somatic Obstacles

·         Advantages of healthy living are great. Meanwhile, spiritual strongholds, emotional pain, self-deception, social environment, cultural pressures, neurobiological factors, and physical pain can present extended challenges.

o   We all need help. Not only is there no shame in admitting it, it is a blessing to pursue participation.

5. Plan and Take Action

·         The best plans come to nothing if not followed through.

·         Plans should be specific, detailing the old behaviors that need to be extinguished and the new behaviors to adopt.

·         CCSC will help you establish obtainable goals, develop a plan for change, and you navigate the path in a productive way.

·         Your SCP will help you implement the plan and assist you in taking each step toward change.

·         Since, old habits and behaviors take strategy and effort to change, your SCP will also help you review and address the plan as necessary.

6. Sticking to the Plan

·         Perspectives founded in the truth must be developed and pursued to implement new behaviors.

·         Each new action is important—investigation, implementation, and practice.

·         Consistency—healthy choices with follow-through over time—reinforces healthy perspective and sustains healthy growth.

7. Accountability

·         Change is a process, and old habits die hard.

·         Day to day personal accountability in supportive healthy loving relationships will help sustain your growth.

o   God created human beings strong enough to adapt, yet fragile enough to need Him and one another to implement and sustain healthy living

 



PT

Progressional Transformation

Elements

 

This is a diagram of laminin, the agent that holds the structures of the physical body together so that is does not slump to the ground like wet concrete. Below are the elements that make us whole.

I.                   Recognize and admit that your own strength is insufficient for healthy living

II.                Internalize the truth—you need help that exceeds human capacities, yet Jesus exceeds your needs

III.             Commit to and keep choosing to follow Jesus loving God—Growing Healthy—Living it out well toward others

IV.            Pray to God to help you find a trustworthy Christian Mentor to help on your journey

V.               Make a searching, fearless inventory of yourself

VI.            Become ready to progress by confessing to God, to yourself, and at least to that one other person the exact nature and root of your wrongs

VII.         Humbly continue the process of progress with study, prayer, and contemplation with God in His Word, solitarily and with others, to live it out

VIII.      Prayerfully make a list of all the people you have harmed and prepare your heart to ask forgiveness from and make amends to each one as possible

IX.            Schedule dates & times and meet with every person

X.               Continue the process of progress in elements III, VI & VII, repeat elements VIII& IX as necessary, and never lose sight of the others

 

Life can be hard Because...

Life can be hard because:

1.     None of us is perfect

2.     The world we live in is corrupt

3.     Unseen enemies of our souls work to gain leverage over our lives

Healthy loving relationship is the essence of life. However, corrupt human nature and the ungodly predominate world culture entice us toward greed and death. Additionally, the enemies of our souls strive to initiate, augment and perpetuate wreckage to healthy loving relationships and their potentials. If allowed, this “unholy-triad” will infect you to think that you’re more heavily burdened and harshly attacked than most, and that God is apathetically watching your struggles from afar. It seeks to steal genuine peace and joy, murder compassion towards others, and destroy vibrant passion for healthy community. Its infection is purposed to cultivate and multiply deceptions, misunderstandings, frustrations, rage, anxiety, and unforgiveness; creating unhealthy divisions; blinding eyes to the truth of God’s grace. Infected persons, families, and communities direct their hearts to idolatrous lust after comfort and the “quick fix” creating gods of entertainment to “love” and “serve”. The full course of the infection culminates in a miserable wreckage of existence. If you think it can't happen to you, you're definitely, already infected.

Every one of us struggles with some combination of character flaws, social environment, economic status, and interpersonal dynamics in the work place or at home. This fact does not minimize the significance of personal struggles. However, God does see our struggles. He is not apathetic; He cares deeply, stretches out His hand to the afflicted and draws near to us when we draw near to Him.



God said, “It is not good that man should be alone.” Meanwhile, loneliness is a modern epidemic. God’s original design for humankind—God-given purpose—is to enter healthy loving relationship with Him, grow in it a healthy love for self, and live it out toward one another. Our society, as a whole, is far from His original design. In order to recover from and resist “infection”, we must exercise ourselves toward transformation with Jesus Christ and pursue God-given purpose on purpose within the family of faith as each member does its share to add to the health and strength of relationships qualitatively and quantitatively. From that center of support and strength we must fight against the “unholy triad” with the grace and knowledge in which we grow and reach out with Jesus, to deliver our communities from the sepsis.

God created us strong enough to make necessary changes, yet weak enough to need communion with Him and one another. We all need help to live healthy. Jesus meets all our needs in healthy loving relationships. Healthy loving relationship grows in the cultivation of trust and hope, and brings healing to infected wounds that would otherwise keep us from the necessary vulnerability of honesty.



Jesus calls us, in struggles and triumphs, to band together in healthy loving relationships with brothers and sisters in Him. Together we learn to follow His lead more closely. Within the family of faith, we grow and are strengthened by loving, interpersonal interaction in spirit and in truth, in Him. Together, we overcome and resist ungodly perspectives of the unholy triad, and from that center of strength and confidence we reach out effectively, loving others.

Life Recovery

Unhealthy choices tear our relationships and, thereby, our lives apart.  

...all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

The harm caused to relationships by others and by ourselves can created wounds, pain, and suffering.

The damage can exceed our ability to recover on our own.

We need the Lord's help always. Sometimes God's guidance is to seek His assistance through one of His children.

 Our God-given purpose is to enter and grow in healthy loving relationship with God, which produces healthy love for ourselves, wherewith we increase and multiply healthy loving relationship with others (see Mark 12:29-31).
...I set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life...”(Deuteronomy 30:19)
Healthy loving relationship is never automatic, but requires healthy choices that are followed through with loving efforts. Genuine love mutually shared in healthy loving relationship is the essence of life.

 Honest perspective earnestly founded in the truth brings us to healthy repentace and forgiveness whereby healing permits growth and carries the best potential for reconciliation.

 The health and strength grown in Christ multiplies among the members of the family fo faith in their loving, personal interaction.

 CCSC's Life Recovery is guidance towards increasing strength through transforming your perspective according to the truth and help clarify a process of making the healthiest possible choices for your active progress.

In that healthy condition, giving and receiving loving support in the family of faith brings a multiplication of peace and joy that may be passed on to others outside that center of strength and confidence, even when the tribulations press in.

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)